Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Press Release #3 Rough Draft

For Immediate Release

Feb. 12, 2008

Contact:
Preston Parker, President
Cache Valley Area Investors Association
www.cvaia.com
cachevaia@gmail.com
Phone: four three five – seven five seven- four five six zero

FINANCIAL EDUCATION TAUGHT THE WAY YOU WANT

LOGAN, Utah – The Cache Valley Area Investors Association, developed in August 2007 to promote financial education to anyone who would like to learn, hold a free seminar every other Thursday at 7 p.m. at 160 N. Main St. Logan, Utah, 84321.

The association was developed by Preston Parker and currently embodies 40 members. Parker wants everyone to have the knowledge and abilities toward finance to do what he or she loves.

“Money does not make one happy, it is financial independence that leads to a satisfying lifestyle and career,” Parker said.

Parker’s goal is to teach the public small and simple things to allow them to realize financial opportunities. The members chose the topics for upcoming weeks based on what they want to learn.

“If you want to learn about intellectual property or law, how to loan money or get fifty dollars a year, I can teach you to do so,” Parker said.


For more information:
Jessica Collett, Public Relations Director
Phone: 333-555-7777
jcollett@cvcia.com

3 comments:

Jackson said...

Hey Jessica-

Good press release. There were just a couple of AP/style things I would change. In your first paragraph, you have a comma after Utah, then 84321. It should just have a comma after Logan and that it (e.g. Logan, Utah 84321). Also, in the third paragraph, you start it with a quote. It's a good quote, but I think where your first comma is, there should be a period instead. Just start a new sentence.

Anyway, it was great. Good job.

Mark W. Taylor said...

Jessica,

I think you have a great press release. I think you have a great boiler plate but I might try to work it in towards the end of the release. Great work.

Preston said...

Good contact info at the beginning and end....just correct the website listed at the end.

In your lead.....when a state is listed with a zip code, you abbreviate it. Also you say "holds" not "hold" for it (the association).

Your second paragraph is passive voice...fix that. And, change the word "embodies" to something more clear.

Change my quote to say "Money does not make one happy. it is financial independence that gives the ability to choose a satisfying lifestyle and career."

I would take your nonessential clause from your lead (August 2007) and combine it with the 40 members sentence to make a nice boilerplate at the end.

I think you meant "choose" not "chose."